Wanted : a magical ballistic orgasm of utter failure

Despite my tradition of long rants on bad films and doing blurbs on good ones, Wanted is sufficiently a train wreck that I’m not sure whether I should praise its hilarity or sigh at its pointlessness.

In any case, this movie takes The Matrix, replaced the titular network with secret societies, and vaguely explains the wire-fu with adrenalin instead of bending the rules of physics – oh wait, Wanted kind of does that too. Accordingly, binary existed thousands of years ago in the pattern weaved on fabric – apparently God decided to be really cryptic about communications (Noah got off easy).

Let me get this very clear and out of the way. Wanted is a superhero/self-empowerment fantasy aimed solidly at the “holy shit” audience with zero redeeming quality whatsoever. Now, it is fun to watch, with very good special effects, and it does have Angeline Jolie, but if you at least somewhat understand that bullets are little lumps of metal propelled by little explosions, this movie will let you express your greatest facepalm. The mindless usage of profanity comes off as the classic ‘let’s be adults and sprinkle “fuck” everywhere’ approach.

In fact, I hear that “BURVE THE CULLET” and variants, like “brb, curvin bullets round my cat”, are already popular and annoying memes on /k/.


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